Another beginning

I like this quote by Anais Nin: “We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

I have a birthday coming up and it's a time for reflection. Am I where I thought I would be? Yes, in some ways. No, in others. I feel a need to nurture the spiritual and social aspects of my life as I've spent the past few years concentrating on school and career. I'm in an existentialist frame of mind. Kind of like, now what? Not that I've achieved everything I want to by any means. But I'm questioning what I used to think was important in life. It's very fulfilling to have work that one enjoys, is good at, and also sustains a decent lifestyle. At the same time, one's entire identity cannot revolve around work alone. Personal relationships offer endless rewards and can carry you through tough times. At the same time, they can bring frustration and stress. When someone close to you is hurting, you feel the pain. Seriously, what is the point of this life? We live, then we die. And the world keeps on revolving. The cycle of birth and death goes on and on and on......till 2012 perhaps? I have no objections to the world ending in a couple of years. Maybe the Mayans did get it right.

Anyway, I've had the sudden urge to do a lot of things that I've never tried before. Like rock climbing. I'm so scared of heights! Once went to summer camp and watched little kids go up fearlessly. I admire that openness and eagerness in kids--always ready to run up and do something. We grow older and fears creep in. We start to think "What will other people think?" And we hold ourselves back because of fear. Sometimes I wish I could meet my childhood self, the quiet little girl with a wild imagination. I want to recapture that wonder with the world as I grow a year older.